its been a long time since ive blogged. A year has passed.
date now, Jan 1st 2004.
Time flies past me like the open pages of a story book..beside a window sill.. the pages flipping at bullet-train speed in the wind..
and in the eye of the storm
here i stand..while the grains of time run past me.
im still standing still in the midst of it all.
with time comes progression..and regression
im not progressing, but how glad i am , that im not regressing either, but jus merely stagnating..But i noe not what is worse..
to be flowing together with the backcurrents, or to be caught in a spiders web, and left in such a tangle for..ever.
new year resolutions i will not make coz it'll be quite a disappointment to look back in 2005 and realise that unrealistic dreams and thoughts are as worthless as the dust on the grounds..
i see we are finally talking again. Im glad by God's grace i am even a second chance again.
but today made me realise how far behind i have fallen,
and while everyone was constructing
i was just in a dreamless, endless coma.
but yeah, to hear the voice that offered comfort so many times, TO hear the voice that offered warmth and love once before...to hear the voice of one that wld willingly correct my flaws, the voice of one who can hurt me and pierce me like a million swords to my heart, but yet reduce me to tears of joy..that was just amazing. it seemed almost like a very long while ago since i last heard that voice..almost as if in some long forgotten dream of yesteryear..
but yet todae, ur voice.
as clear as can be
as real as can be.
not jus a figurement of my overactive imagination,
not jus a mere disembodied voice over the line
but living, and breathing , in pure blood and flesh
its been so long..
..but yet i remember it more then any other memory ever
but im glad we are talking now.
..then maybe someday we will start to communicate after we are done with talking
then maybe the hazy past, the 13 shades of black will disappear into the horizon, and pure white will pierce thru that dark velvet surface..the past forgotten, and perhaps a better future will manifest
..
and then there wouldnt be such a thing like our yesterdays, but all our todays, will just be like our tommorows.
Living in a state of Limbo for one year, has been such unbearable agony, like termites feasting upon my flesh, the raw and blunt kind of pain..but like old clothes, such thought fade away, get torn apart, revealing newer clothes..brighter colors and fresher then before...
just like our tommorows.
if i could learn to shake away the shadows of yesterday, then i will be able to create a better future
i only pray i am not too late
i tink i am succeeding at last.
not alot, but just a little..but someday i will break out of this
..with a scream loud enought to shatter the toughest glass planes on the surface of this earth
and i will break thru this web that has encapsulated me for far too long
feeding on my thoughts and poisoning my mind
but i now noe the biggest spider has been only myself
and the web im wrapped up in..of my own making
if i can retract and retink the past..then i can reinvent my future
today was the beginning.
we have a long way more
u noe i am plagued by these fears and doubts
but im struggling to put them aside.
coz i believe that at the end of it all,
hope will loosen this noose
and eventually Love will break the bonds completely
i won't expect to succeed in one day
nor will i expect to move mountains
but this time round im determined to make it different
to live life not the way i THINK I SHOULD LIVE IT...or not to live life the WAY I THINK IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIVED
but just to simply
LIVE LIFE
thats all.
maybe a little bit diff from last time
butstill very much the same inside..
straning away wild and errant thoughts
to become a better person
for the sake of pple whom i care for
and pple whom i have doubted..but actually have cared alot.
doubts doubts doubts
but yet i noe somehow the ending will be different this time
and not with tears shall we end..but with joy and laughter shall we write volumes after volumes forever and after..